Tag Archives: empath

I Never Give Up, I Give In

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I Never Give Up, I Give In

Nothing has gone “right” or as expected these past three weeks, luckily I let go of the wheel and allowed the universe take over 17 days ago so it’s been nothing more than a beautiful ride. The universe has a completely different design in mind for me right now and that’s fine by me, I trust the energy taken and given will be put to good use. I create everything and anything into existence and I truly believe that it is my positive thought process that makes me so blessed and successful in life.

Each day I go to sleep with closure meditations and reawaken to the clean slate of a completely new day full of brand new possibilities being created into existence. Last night I knew I would have to wake up with the sun with so much to get done so I set my intentions before bed and slept peacefully, charging up as much energy as possible.  I woke minutes before my alarm, my brain cranking long before my feet hit the floor. So much happening so fast that I can barely hang on – so I don’t – I let go and trust. I counted my spoons (The Spoon Theory), grabbed my list of lists, kissed my fur kids (the count is currently at three), cranked the car stereo and hit the road to the old Bumble Bee Tuna Factory (Check out a previous blog post I had written about exploring this cool abandoned factory: Isla Adventure Squad: Bumble Bee Tuna Factory) to take my best buddy David to work. The Clean Ocean Initiative Project is full systems a-go so there are new rules involving security all around the factory. I signed in and walked up to the main office to shoot the shit with the boys a bit before everyone got into their work flow and I had to rush off to tend to my own day. New baby goats were born at the factory about an hour before we arrived on the scene, which happens almost monthly now it seems like and I’m pretty positive they are all family in every way.

The two new babies still had the umbilical cords dragging as the little ones tested their knees and elbows weeble wooble so I snapped a few pictures, oohed and ahhed a bit and then hit the road.

I had to schedule special time this morning to call my Papa and give him updates on all the things happening with and around me.  My father is my best friend and our energy is always and forever connected, our blessing and our curse. When he is happy, I am happier, so in a way, my forever desire to make my Papa happy is slightly selfish. Full grown grateful Daddy’s Girl. I left myself exactly half an hour for the phone call, multi tasking with making myself a proper breakfast to fuel me up for the day. Our phone call lasted longer than intended as we gossiped like a couple of high school girls. His happy energy lifted my spirits even higher than I thought was possible for this day though and I was left literally pacing around my living room as energy and thoughts ricocheted all around and through me.

By noon I had handled my morning inversion and yogance workout, made all personal calls and returned all business emails, arranged an elopement for my Airbnb guests, bought my neighbors bicycle to add to my Airbnb stash of guest toys, returned a dog crate to the store, dropped off loads of clothes to donate, prepped lunch smoothies, drank too much coffee, walked fed and cleaned up after all three dogs and contemplated bathing them all but instead bathed myself because I needed it just as bad as they did and can not excuse my stench as adorably as my cuddly squad can. I was avoiding making commitments with three different friends who wanted me to step away for three different fun activities, until I could take a moment to rewrite up my days must do list, re count my spoons and be honest with myself about what I could handle for the rest of the day. Things are constantly and forever altering throughout my days and life so I have learned to be entirely flexible in every way. By the time I received the fourth call from the fourth friend requesting a fourth activity I threw my hands up, kicked my feet back, shredded my list and yelled out Fine Universe You WIN! For all my intents and purposes of remaining business minded today, everything around me is screaming go out and play. Such is island life, it’s super cute that I still try to act like I’m mainland minded from time to time though.

So, the laundry is drying, the guests have all been tended to, my casita is tidy, my calendars are in order, my belly is full, and I am sitting here recharging and recollecting some extra spoons for the remainder of this day that could go anyway. Right this second my biggest concern is whether I’m going to go swimming with Rafa, drink wine and laugh/cry about how much we missed each other with Crystal, go Playuela camping with Natalie and crew, or vibe out on the beach with Kris & Ari while burning palo santo and catching up on our time apart. I don’t feel one bit rushed anymore even though I want to do all the things. I am sitting here completely grounded and centered knowing that my people are all out there waiting to give me hugs and help me relax even deeper. I trust that all will get done and I will be exactly where I need to be when each moment is right. My body is at a stand still right this second but my heart is fluttering around with so much happiness I could burst from the feels. I never give up but will always give in to the universes design.

 

(The Very Second that I finished typing up this blog post, Kris & Ari magically appeared unexpectedly at my door and I jumped up with a shriek to give them sweaty island hugs and kisses!! My bro babes are here and it’s time to play, catch you all on the flip side!)

 

 

I Honored My Mother With Honesty

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I Honored My Mother With Honesty

In only two days this new year has already taught me enormously important lessons. For all the things that I know about, have seen and experienced, there are an infinite amount of things that I am naïve to. There is great reward in learning from your own mistakes, fighting your own battles, and conquering your own demons. But you don’t always have to live to learn, you can also learn by sharing your experiences and thoughts with others. I think we would all feel a little less miserable if we learned to share how miserable we feel at times. Every living being suffers and struggles at one point or another in their life. When did it become so important to hide that side of living?

I am a highly sensitive empath who was raised in an environment that did not always encourage showing and sharing feelings. I was taught to hide my fears and pains and always put my best and strongest face forward. Over time and with the help of some equally sensitive souls, I grew a respect for the power that comes with feeling free and safe enough to use my words to share all aspects of feeling. At times I still get ashamed when I feel down but for the most part, I am proud of my sensitivities. I am proud that I can feel, identify my feelings, and share them with others and I am eternally grateful for the people who I have met who are as equally open with their experiences. It is truly mind blowing how many emotional similarities we find that we share with people that we are unaware of because we are all working so hard to hide the bad and show off the good. In an ideal world, people would embrace all the feels and spread them around freely so they didn’t become insecure about the thoughts that they have at times.

This week is the anniversary of my Mother’s passing and I normally work hard spending the day distracting my mind and channeling my energies in the most positive ways possible. I desperately attempt to honor my mother’s memory by being strong in hopes of making her and the rest of my family proud of my strength while on the inside I am weeping so hard at the dishonesty of my actions because the truth is, I am still heartbroken. I have moments where I recall the amazing woman that she was, the way that she devoted her life to helping others at her own expense, and the beauty that shone from every fiber of her being. I can feel her light shining through me. But for the most part, I ache for the loss of my best friend, confidant, champion, teacher and mother. I see life moments that she missed, experiences that are not being shared, advice I am not being given, and lessons I am not being helped through. I weep for the moments we will never have.

A wise new friend told me that creating stories creates our possibilities. She reminded me to channel what I was feeling into creating the possibility of new energy and new opportunities. It was an odd sensation to have my own words of wisdom given back to me when I was not clear minded enough to remember them for myself. The gentle reminder was needed for me to remember that I still have an infinite amount of strength and energy stored up within me, the choice whether to utilize it or not is entirely my own. I used to think strength was not being able to be feel, be effected by, or acknowledge negative feelings, but I am slowly learning that true strength means persevering throughout All The Feels. There is an amazing power that comes with being able to bear your soul, shed tears, and share experiences honestly.

So today, I created a new possibility in honor of my Mother in hopes of finding a more honest way of getting through this tough time of the year. I imagined a moment where it was ok to feel sad on this day and accepted it into reality. I did not cloak my sadness in cheerful distractions or numbing diversions and I did not apologize for my sadness. I awoke with tears on my pillow, I sat in the sun and sobbed my heart out with mere strangers and I accepted their unconditional love and compassion with an open heart. I am leaking from the face as I write this, I fully intend on crying myself to sleep, and I am completely ok with how I spent this day. I did not use my head to distract myself in 100 different ways, I used my heart and allowed all the feelings to rush through me. Today, for the first time since she has passed, I honored my mother with honesty.

 

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The Art of Communicating Through Grief

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The Art of Communicating Through Grief

I very recently had someone I love very dearly go through a family loss and I was not able to be by their side for support. We are so connected that I could feel their grief from a distance and so I spent the week doing all that I could to send that person love, energy, distractions, and support from a far. By the end of the week they made a small comment about how every time they started to feel sad and overwhelmed I had somehow done something to distract them and completely take their mind off their grief for the moment. It was the biggest compliment I could have been given, because I was in fact working very hard to both honor and aid in the distraction of their grief, and it felt amazing to know that my efforts had been noticed and appreciated. It also reminded me of my own experiences with grief and the moments of both solitude and connection that I felt at different times throughout.

I know a great deal about first hand personal grief, and about the residual effects that come with the territory of being an empath and being overly sensitive to all kinds of emotions. Unfortunately, it is always easier to help others than it is to help yourself. Me personally, I recognize that I push the people that I love away even though I want them near during my toughest struggles and darkest days of grief. I do not want people to see me during what I see as moments of weakness. I am working on changing that way of thinking by trying to be honest with myself about what it is I am actually expecting from people during my moments of grief. Reading the book The Art of Communication by Thich Nhat Hanh is another step that I am taking towards growing and self enlightenment. My goal is to help both myself and the ones that I love communicate better, and in turn be a better friend to those who may need compassionate support through any rough patches of life that might arise.

Everyone has different needs and expectations during their grieving experiences. What ever caused the loss, hurt, or sadness, whether it be a new or old event, will always have an effect on the griever. Raw open wounds and reminders of old hurts will sometimes trigger us to act in ways that could push those closest to us away when in fact what we want is the very opposite. Some, myself included, say that we want comfort yet act in ways that push people away from us instead of encouraging the compassionate responses we want. So how can we help ourselves communicate better, and help each other through difficult times? For some, actions speak louder than words, while others need to hear the words spoken in order to trust the actions.

The often repeated obligatory phrases “There is a reason for everything” “I’m sorry for your loss” “Things will get better” or even a simple “Are you Ok?” can be aggravating to the griever when said at the wrong time. When in the position of wanting to help a friend or loved one in grief, often times our first desire is to try to “fix” the situation, when in all actuality our good intentions can lead to nothing but more grief. Knowing the right thing to say is only half of the responsibility of being a supportive emotional caregiver. The first thing to remember when helping someone through their pain is that this grief is not your own. This is not about you and your feelings so please try not to allow them to get in the way of helping your grieving friend in need.  Take the time to understand and show proper respect to your friend’s grief and feelings. Allow the griever to set the pace. Hopefully they will give you subtle hints about what is needed if they are unable to come right out and ask for help. Some may need a distraction, some may crave solitude, some may need a partner to make them not feel alone as they face their grief head on and embrace the feelings, while some actually need a healthy balance of both.

If your friend or loved one needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend, make them feel heard and respond in kind. Being able to just sit and listen is an amazing gift to give someone in need, but being able to give a heartfelt response of some kind is even more helpful. If a distraction is needed use your best judgement as to what type of distraction is most appropriate for the moment. If you can help be a distraction in person go somewhere fun, it’s alright to laugh during times of grief. Laughter is the best medicine, but you also don’t want your timing to ever be tacky or disrespectful. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after. Laughter boosts the immune system, decreases stress hormones, increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease also. Bonus! Go see a movie or do something educational so you have to use your brain in other ways than focusing on your grief. If you can not be there in person for your friend in need there are still lots of ways you can help someone get through their time of grief from a distance. Send pictures, links to jokes, share articles that you enjoy, challenge with brain teasers, and utilize everything that you can to connect and distract in anyway that you can.

There is a super cute article that lays out six simple tips on how to be a good friend. Listen, Ask them what they need, Get physical, Keep in touch, and Tell them how you feel. You can read the entire article here: How To Be A Good Friend

I am only a few chapters into The Art of Communication and already everything that I am reading is vibing with my current thoughts and situations, educating me, and healing me. My favorite part of tonight’s readings went as follows:

“What you read and write can help you heal, so be thoughtful about what you consume. When you write an e-mail or a letter that is full of understanding and compassion, you are nourishing yourself during the time you write that letter. Even if it’s just a short note, everything you are writing down can nourish you and the person to whom you are writing.”

I loved that section so very much because that it is a practice I use myself to get through moments of difficulty. If yourself or someone you care about it grieving the best thing that you could do is put pen to paper and fill the pages with words of understanding, compassion and love. Using phrases like “I don’t know how you feel but I am here to help” or “I wish I had the right words, just know that I care” might possibly do more to soothe a grievers distressed mind than declaring that you “know how they feel” or advising to “be strong”. We all have moments of grief throughout our lives, it is inevitable. It is important to be honest with yourself when you are feeling sad, own it, embrace it, then move past into the light so that you are able to help someone else with your strength.