Category Archives: Love

I Never Give Up, I Give In

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I Never Give Up, I Give In

Nothing has gone “right” or as expected these past three weeks, luckily I let go of the wheel and allowed the universe take over 17 days ago so it’s been nothing more than a beautiful ride. The universe has a completely different design in mind for me right now and that’s fine by me, I trust the energy taken and given will be put to good use. I create everything and anything into existence and I truly believe that it is my positive thought process that makes me so blessed and successful in life.

Each day I go to sleep with closure meditations and reawaken to the clean slate of a completely new day full of brand new possibilities being created into existence. Last night I knew I would have to wake up with the sun with so much to get done so I set my intentions before bed and slept peacefully, charging up as much energy as possible.  I woke minutes before my alarm, my brain cranking long before my feet hit the floor. So much happening so fast that I can barely hang on – so I don’t – I let go and trust. I counted my spoons (The Spoon Theory), grabbed my list of lists, kissed my fur kids (the count is currently at three), cranked the car stereo and hit the road to the old Bumble Bee Tuna Factory (Check out a previous blog post I had written about exploring this cool abandoned factory: Isla Adventure Squad: Bumble Bee Tuna Factory) to take my best buddy David to work. The Clean Ocean Initiative Project is full systems a-go so there are new rules involving security all around the factory. I signed in and walked up to the main office to shoot the shit with the boys a bit before everyone got into their work flow and I had to rush off to tend to my own day. New baby goats were born at the factory about an hour before we arrived on the scene, which happens almost monthly now it seems like and I’m pretty positive they are all family in every way.

The two new babies still had the umbilical cords dragging as the little ones tested their knees and elbows weeble wooble so I snapped a few pictures, oohed and ahhed a bit and then hit the road.

I had to schedule special time this morning to call my Papa and give him updates on all the things happening with and around me.  My father is my best friend and our energy is always and forever connected, our blessing and our curse. When he is happy, I am happier, so in a way, my forever desire to make my Papa happy is slightly selfish. Full grown grateful Daddy’s Girl. I left myself exactly half an hour for the phone call, multi tasking with making myself a proper breakfast to fuel me up for the day. Our phone call lasted longer than intended as we gossiped like a couple of high school girls. His happy energy lifted my spirits even higher than I thought was possible for this day though and I was left literally pacing around my living room as energy and thoughts ricocheted all around and through me.

By noon I had handled my morning inversion and yogance workout, made all personal calls and returned all business emails, arranged an elopement for my Airbnb guests, bought my neighbors bicycle to add to my Airbnb stash of guest toys, returned a dog crate to the store, dropped off loads of clothes to donate, prepped lunch smoothies, drank too much coffee, walked fed and cleaned up after all three dogs and contemplated bathing them all but instead bathed myself because I needed it just as bad as they did and can not excuse my stench as adorably as my cuddly squad can. I was avoiding making commitments with three different friends who wanted me to step away for three different fun activities, until I could take a moment to rewrite up my days must do list, re count my spoons and be honest with myself about what I could handle for the rest of the day. Things are constantly and forever altering throughout my days and life so I have learned to be entirely flexible in every way. By the time I received the fourth call from the fourth friend requesting a fourth activity I threw my hands up, kicked my feet back, shredded my list and yelled out Fine Universe You WIN! For all my intents and purposes of remaining business minded today, everything around me is screaming go out and play. Such is island life, it’s super cute that I still try to act like I’m mainland minded from time to time though.

So, the laundry is drying, the guests have all been tended to, my casita is tidy, my calendars are in order, my belly is full, and I am sitting here recharging and recollecting some extra spoons for the remainder of this day that could go anyway. Right this second my biggest concern is whether I’m going to go swimming with Rafa, drink wine and laugh/cry about how much we missed each other with Crystal, go Playuela camping with Natalie and crew, or vibe out on the beach with Kris & Ari while burning palo santo and catching up on our time apart. I don’t feel one bit rushed anymore even though I want to do all the things. I am sitting here completely grounded and centered knowing that my people are all out there waiting to give me hugs and help me relax even deeper. I trust that all will get done and I will be exactly where I need to be when each moment is right. My body is at a stand still right this second but my heart is fluttering around with so much happiness I could burst from the feels. I never give up but will always give in to the universes design.

 

(The Very Second that I finished typing up this blog post, Kris & Ari magically appeared unexpectedly at my door and I jumped up with a shriek to give them sweaty island hugs and kisses!! My bro babes are here and it’s time to play, catch you all on the flip side!)

 

 

Looking At Love Through New Eyes

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Looking At Love Through New Eyes

Before my thirties, I had met very few people to look towards as an example of what the sacred love shared between only two people should be like. Just before my 31st birthday I met a couple who changed not only my entire perspective, but their loving influence changed my entire life from that point forward.

I met Derek in 2014 when he came to vacation in Rincon, Puerto Rico to visit his family with his best friend Maty. I vibed out instantly with the guys and we all stayed in contact after they left. One year later Derek returned with his new girlfriend, Jade. I have always been “one of the boys” and am used to a variety of reactions that occur when a woman involved with one of my friends meets me for the first time. As soon as someone says, She doesn’t really get along with other girls, I know we will vibe out. Not that I don’t get along with other girls, but I am more likely to find common interests among groups of women who display more male characteristics (which also feels wrong to say because what truly determines “male” vs “female” characteristics except for our own individual opinions?). Derek & I have so much respect for each other and our friendship that we were both nervous of me meeting Jade for the first time. We both wanted everything to go perfectly.

Derek & Jade knew each other growing up through their school years and only began dating each other later in life. They watched each other make mistakes and grow from them. They already knew each other’s past, understood each other’s mood fluctuations, and honored each other’s energy in a way that I had never witnessed before. Derek & Jade were not perfect by any means. They bickered in their sarcastic New York way, spouted out You Never’s & You Always’, and experienced arguments and disagreements that would have sent most couples stomping off in opposite directions. Even their arguments are beautiful to me. There is so much love shown in every action that they take, individually and as a partnership. The lines of Her, Him, and Them are clearly defined. Derek & Jade are so very much their each individual people, and yet also very much one great combined unstoppable force each complimenting the other in such naturally effortless ways.

I quickly became in love with their love and in love with being their “third wheel”. Every visit they make to la isla we cram in as many adventures as possible, swap music until the sun comes up, talk until our voices are raw and laugh so hard our forehead veins pop. For the first time in my life I witnessed a passionate romance and love that made me want to scream out loud “I Want That!”.  Every emotion that they displayed between them is done with honesty, love and respect. I want everything that they have, the love, the laughter, the gentle disagreements, the honest opinions, and the complete partnership that they share.

I was waiting oh so patiently for the event that I knew was coming…..the announcement of their engagement! As if that was not enough to shed happy celebratory tears, I learned that they intended to have their wedding here in Puerto Rico instead of New York where they are from and I completely lost my head. But wait it gets better…..the wedding falls on the week of my birthday AND Maty (Derek’s best friend who I met a year before Jade) will be their officiant. I have not seen Maty since we all originally met back in 2014, and I have never gotten the pleasure of enjoying all their company at once. I’m so over the moon happy as can be you would think this wedding was for me!

Since meeting Derek, Maty, and Jade, my eyes have been opened to the endless definitions of love and soul mates. We are raised with the mainstream belief that our life’s purpose is to find our one true love soulmate and live happily ever after. I have loved so many people in so many different ways, for so many different reasons and each experience has brought something necessary into my life. The love that I speak of has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with passion and connection. I now understand that being loved is just as powerful and necessary as giving love.

I will forever have the biggest couple crush in history for the two people that opened my eyes to a new way of loving and living. This upcoming weekend we will all join together to celebrate Derek & Jade’s wedding in Rio Grande, Puerto Rico. Stay tuned because this will be the first wedding in my life that I have ever looked forward to so I will all full of love and will have beautiful pictures to share later.

I adore this article from Elephant Journal on the Five Types of Soulmates We’ll Meet & Love In Our Lifetimes. Give the article a read if you would like and leave a comment below about any type of love that lifts you up!

 

“Important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies meet each other.” ~ Paul Coelho

Puppy Party: Meet Our Adopted Family Addition

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Puppy Party: Meet Our Adopted Family Addition

I have a fur kid tradition of always trying to pair up my old souls with young bucks. When one dog reaches retirement age, I bring some fresh blood onto the playing field to liven things up a bit. It is my belief that the younger dog will help perk up and make life interesting for the older dog, and the older pup will help teach the younger the ways of our world. This also creates a smooth transition for me when the time comes for one of my babies to move on to doggy heaven.

A small part of me was looking forward to some non-puppy-parenting freedom, but if I’m honest with myself, I know that I will never be happy in a dog free household. My best girl is a mixed breed Pomeranian-Schipperke, Osita, and has been an only child for almost a decade now. Osita & I have been together for over 13 years, have traveled the world, and experienced many of life’s great adventures together. She is so much more than just my best friend. My dog is highly sensitive to my illnesses and can help myself and others notice when my symptoms are about to put me in danger. She is the most easy going dog anyone has ever met, and that is not just her proud overly biased Mama speaking. I can give a list of references of her fan base.

I live on an island where stray dogs in need of homes is very common and when a friend approached me to help her find a home for a foster in need I began getting out my list of dog rescue contacts. Even though the timing was perfect, I was not of the mind state to take in a new family member. Silly me, I should have known universal energy was much stronger than my own free will. When I met Mango in person I had the sensation akin to deja vu. As if I had already known and loved this dog in another life. The decision as made for us, Osita & I tried to be rational and smart about the process, but we were already head over heels in love with this little lady.

Over a period of two weeks we baby-stepped the move in process and made sure all parties involved were accepting of this merger. This week we made it official and adopted Mango. Meet the newest member of our family! 

She arrived with the name Mango, but is not responsive to the name so we are utilizing this time to learn her personality and allow her to come up with something fitting. Osita has accepted this new lady into our home beautifully and is already proving herself to be a loving and patient big sister.

Osita has a morning routine of getting five minutes of full body rubs and snuggles and then she gets a frisky morning playtime attitude. Yesterday, I didn’t even have to get involved! I woke up to Osita cleaning Mango’s eyes and when they saw me awake Osa quickly stopped and started doing her little gruff and pounce “come play with me” dance to Mango. Mango did her customary head tuck/half lay down with her butt up in the air, all submissive like, but Osa kept at it and eventually she understood this meant playtime. They didn’t Actually start full on playing but they’re getting there Fast and I can tell they will have the same style of “rough house”.

I spent the day puppy proofing our yard and garden space so that the girls have the freedom to wander in and out of the house at will. A couple hours were spent down in my little garden space weeding and just hanging out down there so Mango understands that the garden is her area too. The girls love the neighbor dog, Lena, a sweet little Boston Terrier. Lena gets her favorite toy and shakes it by the fence as my girls come running up and bounce around wagging their tails at her. 

Yesterday while Bulleit was here (another friend’s dog, apparently I have become the dog whisperer/sitter over night), I had all the dogs laying on my bed and floor as I painted. It was Heaven! I love all the fur kids around, feeling their energy both calm and energize me. I have to do three times the cleaning because they shed different than Osa, but its worth every broom stroke.
I am so happy that Osita now has a little buddy when I leave home for brief periods of time and blessed that our new little lady is adjusting to her new life so fast! Stay tuned for when we announce our little lady’s new name!

Our Souls Connect Via Social Media

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Our Souls Connect Via Social Media

There are no words for the incredible timing of the magic of the universe….

A gift arrived in the mail yesterday with a note from someone that I have never met before but have become good friends with on Instagram (I never thought I would live in a world where that sentence is not only acceptable, but the norm). I love to give all things my proper attention, and since I was not ready to do so at the moment of the packages arrival, I set it to the side. A message came through my phone a moment later that rocked my sense of peace and calm. Someone who very recently caused my heart and soul an incredible amount of pain and confusion attempted to reopen a tiny line of communication. Since I was not ready to address my feelings or respond to the message, I decided to step out with a friend for a drink and distract my mind for a bit and address the situation at the later time. I returned home in a stronger state of mind and remembered the package that had arrived earlier in the day. The note included said:

“I know that you said you don’t need anything, which is great because this isn’t out of need. I send you this out of love. I recall you mentioning you were a healer, I love and accept your beauty, and am so lucky to have met you, even though it’s through Social Media for the time being. I am a lover and a giver. This comes from a genuine and appreciative place.”

I was hit by a smell that I could immediately place, and a sensation between my chest and throat that I could not. The wooden Om symbol smelled like the pure energy of selfless love. It wasn’t until I looked up the symbolic meaning of a Blue Lace Agate that the sensation in my chest became apparent. I was feeling the anxiety of too many words attempting to bubble up and burst out within me slowly simmer down into a gentle calm and find their proper place within my throat.

Blue Lace Agate is a throat chakra stone with a gentle energy and is considered a stone of communication. It can ease the harsh edge off communication in difficult times, enhance public speaking, and smooth discussions. It also brings tactfulness to speech and written communications. Blue Lace Agate brings calm and tranquility, a lessening of anger, even deep rooted anger issues, and a calming of nervousness. It is considered a happiness stone from these harmonious energies it carries, as well as one of hope. It is also a stone that aids in inflammatory and arthritic conditions, which I suffer greatly from. My friend from a far could not have chose a more appropriate stone and timing to gift it to me. I sit here and wonder how she did it, but then again I know better than that. The energy of the universe did it, we were merely the receiving messengers of this beautiful moment and lesson.

Social Media and the role it plays on our daily lives and relationships has been a strong topic of conversation all around me this year. In addition to promoting my individual businesses, I mainly utilize my social media feeds as a platform for inspiration and positivity. It took me a long time to get comfortable with who I was and my purpose in this world, and learning to share my experiences in order to give others a sense of peace, support, and community was part of that process. I am so blessed that I have an outlet to shine my light onto and that my light is accepted so openly and lovingly by so many people. I am proud that my tiny actions have drawn other amazingly compassionate warriors towards each other and into my own direction as well. I am grateful to be a gentle member of this technologically advanced generation at times like these. This moment of the selfless giving of such great love is the very reason that I share my heart and soul with others. This is what I live for. This moment right here is a shining example of the beautiful connection that social media can bring to our lives if we use it respectfully. Live gently, love strongly, and pay the gift of life forward every single day that you are blessed to do so.

 

“Life. Love. It took me and it shook me and it broke me and it woke me and it made me into a woman. The bigger the death, the bigger the birth and as my life unfolds on this earth I can say that I love, I love being a woman. The more your heart breaks, the more it can hold. So be brave, my sister, be bold. And the bigger your heart, the greater your power and now, now is the feminine’s hour. The world is starved, its ravenous for you, and we need all the hearts on deck if we’re going to make it through. So go ahead, do your part, offer your heart and the world’s starving alter. Go ahead, shine till the stars shake. Go ahead, may the world wake in your wake.”

No Labels, Only Love

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No Labels, Only Love

I skipped class the day The Birds & The Bees Speech was given, but I have always understood my sexual preference and known exactly Who I Am. I was not raised by wolves, nor by a gay community, and I’m not fully convinced I am entirely human, so I rarely know how to act in any situation but somehow always manage to pull off the balancing act between the rituals of social conformity and being uniquely ME.

It wasn’t until I was in my early thirties that I was asked for the first time in my life, “How do you identify?”, and I had no idea how to answer. I knew what was being asked of me, I simply did not know how to respond other than, “I have no label/title”. Even though I don’t abide by personal labels and I don’t fall within any singularly titled “group” my response felt like a cope out, such an insignificant answer. The urge to unload my own personal story of where’s, how’s and why’s was strong. I wanted to explain that I was raised by a straight man who appreciated beauty in a feminine way, and a straight woman who dressed and behaved in masculine ways, and that I grew up loving men, kissing girls, wearing what I pleased, and respecting everyone around me whether I understood them or not. People are just people to me, beautiful humans, all of them. I come from a womb and a world where we are all everything at any given moment. I got it from my Mama. Be whoever the hell you want to be baby girl, to hell with what anyone thinks or says. She could fluctuate flawlessly between a pant suit and stiletto stockings, drink wine or whiskey, and always knew the proper moment to either lash out with witty sarcasm or caress gently with honey dripping from her tongue. I idolized her ability to be Everything all at once and molded my own individual character off of her sense of fluidity. I am a gay woman and I’m not interested in hiding that fact, but I also am not interested in doing anything to help others figure me out. I have not lived through an identity struggle as others have so I do not feel it is not my place to “educate” others in any way, but I am so proud of those out there brave and bold enough to do their part to respectfully share their story with others and bring enlightenment and change within the community.

As I sat back and listened to others answer the same identity question I was amazed at how everyone had such different responses and stories. I have always been fascinated with the different journeys that each individual experiences and how those experiences can instill personal growth. I love learning about other people’s Why’s, tell me all the things! Gay, lesbian, queer, intersex, high femme, low femme, dyke, butch, transgender, trans man, trans woman, transsexual, transvestite, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, androgynous, non-gendered, third gender, cisgender, two-spirit…..I could go on, but I might miss something and somehow offend some sensitive someone. You get the point. Everyone literally can be Anyone or Anything they choose to be these days. It’s all so beautifully confusing I could scream, laugh and cry all at the same time. Now that my eyes have been opened I have to constantly remember who to address as what and what to say around who so as not to displease anyone, and I’m sitting here mind boggled with all this new information and wondering, how did we get here? I still fluctuate between wanting to educate myself further on others individual outlooks and throwing my hands up and shouting But Why Why WHY can’t we all just Live & Be and why are we still using labels if the labels being misused are what is offending, hurting and segregating us?! We have been stuck in a place of marching, educating, and crying out for equality all the while segregating ourselves into boxy cliques and groups for quite some time. I don’t know when the lines blurred from being raised to lovingly accept and embrace exactly who we are and to feel blessed with what we are given, into a world where we can chuck our initial design out the window, shove our hand into a magic hat, draw a card and become anything else we choose to dream up.

Then I think of Science. Molecules, atoms, and matter all here to remind me, that it is all possible and that anything is everything. My brain and heart connect, everything that could be makes sense, and I find peace in the beauty of this time, space and place of universal understanding that we are in right now. We are blessed with the ability to see in black, white, grey tones, and rainbow colors if we choose to. I do not understand the labels, but the journeys, growth and strength that springs from the individual struggles being overcome are absolutely beautifully inspiring to me. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing and are expressed in all manner of complicated and nuanced ways. None of us should have to worry that one part of our identities will negate another. We should be able to exist visibly in all our complex and fascinating glory. This is a New Age World that we live in. We need to be able to approach each other as entirely new and unique people, making no assumptions but remaining open to whatever interesting and awesome things we might find out.

There is a fine glittery line between sharing your story for the strength of others, and campaigning for supporters of your cause. What is more important to you, the journey or the outcome? There is no right or wrong answer. We are all Right. Your personal truth is revealed in the energy of your actions. In every case, who you believe yourself to be at your core is what you will seek to validate from your experiences in the world. A key to a life filled with peace and happiness is to avoid becoming too attached to your current identity, while simultaneously enjoying the experience of it.

i-am

I have been reading, I Am: The Power of Discovering Who You Really Are written by Howard Falco, and it has been giving me loads of inspiration and insight. Self Discovery always gives me an even greater appetite for knowledge! If you have an article or blog post that shares yours or someone else’s journey through self-discovery of any sort, with or without the support of a gay community, and would like comment with the link below I would love to read the experiences of others!

 

“I have inside me the winds, the deserts, the stars, and everything created in the universe. We were all made by the same hand, and we have the same soul.” – The Alchemist 

The Hero Within (Part I)

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The Hero Within (Part I)

We experience an incredible amount of stimulation in every single moment. Struggling to find understanding and retain lessons learned from beautiful words we have read among the rest of our internal clutter can at times cause us to miss the message or forget things we have been taught and have learned. I began a journal solely for the purpose of writing notes as I read for my own memories purpose and to further integrate my readings into my heart and intentions. It was not until I shared my notes with a dear friend that I realized how helpful my “Cliffs Notes” of sorts, from these inspirational books can be to others. Cliffs Notes, or merely bullet points, whatever you may call this, it is an incredibly calming an inspirational practice for me.  I have not added my own interpretations that are scribbled throughout my journal, as to not sway anyone else’s possible interpretations and allow each of your your own space and energy to do with these words as you please along your journey. I hope you enjoy.

The Hero Within (Carol S. Pearson)

Introduction

The point is that we can be safe and at home in our own psyches, and we need not spend years studying psychology to be able to converse with ourselves. We know the language of the archetypes, for they live within us. Ancient folk also knew the language. For them, the archetypes were the gods and goddesses who were concerned with everything in their lives from the most ordinary to the most profound.

Archetype psychology, in a sense, brings back insights from ancient polytheistic theologies, which teach us about the wonderfully multiple nature of the human psyche. When these deities, or archetypes, are denied, they do not go away. Instead they posses us, and what we experience is enslavement, not the liberation they ultimately hold out to us. So be aware of scorning the gods, for ironically, it is our very attempts to deny and repress the gods that cause their destructive manifestations. The archetypes are fundamentally friendly. They are here to help evolve us, collectively and individually. In honoring them we grow.

Chapter 1: The Hero’s Journey


  • The Innocent: lives in the prefallen state of grace
  • The Orphan: confronts reality of The Fall
  • The Wanderer: begins the task of finding oneself apart from others
  • The Warrior: learns to fight to defend oneself and to change the world
  • The Martyr: learns to give, to commit, to sacrifice for others


  • Heros take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves. Although the may feel  very alone during the quest, at its end their reward is a sense of community: with themselves, with other people, with the earth.
  • If we do not risk, if we play prescribed social roles instead of taking our journeys, we feel numb; we experience a sense of alienation, a void, an emptiness inside.
  • Heroism is a matter of integrity, of becoming more and more yourself at each stage of your development.
  • It is the very act of leaving an oppressive situation and going out alone to face the unknown that is the wanderer’s heroic act
  • After learning to change ones environment by great discipline, will, and struggle, the Magician learns to move with the energy of the universe and to attract what is needed by laws of synchronicity, so that the ease of the Magician’s interaction with the universe seems like magic.
  • The task is not to be caring of others instead of thinking about oneself, but to learn how to love and care for ourselves as well as our neighbor (6/2/6)
  • Beyond strength vs weakness, they become to understand that assertions and receptivity are yang and yin – a life rhythm, not a dualism (6/3/2)
  • Male and female modes of heroism seem different because men linger longer in some stages and women in others (7/1/1)
  • Women seem to linger in the stages that emphasize affiliation (Martyr & Magician) and men in those that emphasize separateness and opposition (Wanderer & Warrior). (7/3/1)
  • When we look at where most men and women are, without seeing the overall developmental pattern, it may look as if there are distinct and different male and female paths. Or, if one looks just at the paths and not the different time and intensity of commitment to each archetype, it appears that men and women are developmentally the same. Neither is true. Men and women are developmentally the same; and they are different (7/3/3)
  • What if the goal of life is not to prevail, simply to learn? (9/4/2)
  • Heroism is redefined as not only moving mountains, but knowing mountains: being fully oneself and seeing, without denial, what is, and being open to learning the lessons life offers us. (10/1/1)
  • I would illustrate the typical hero’s progression as a cone or three-dimensional spiral, in which it is possible to move forward while frequently circling back (13/2/2)
  • Each stage has its own lesson to teach us, and we reencounter situations that throw us back into prior stages so that we may learn and relearn the lessons at new levels of intellectual and emotional complexity and subtlety. (13/2/3)
  • Events in our lives influence the order and intensity of our learning (13/3/8)


Hero Lessons
  • Innocent: the hero learns to trust
  • Orphan: the hero learns to mourn
  • Wanderer: the hero learns to find and name one’s own truth
  • Warrior: the hero learns to assert that truth so that it affects and changes the world
  • Martyr: the hero learns to love, to commit, to let go
  • Magician: the hero learns to recognize and receive the abundance of the universe


  • As Magicians, heros understand that nothing essential is ever lost: sacrifice becomes the organic and gentle letting go of the old to make way for new growth, new life (15/3/5)
  • This is the time to take a leap of faith, act authentically now, and contribute your own truth to the world without insisting others agree with you. (17/4/3)
  • Trusting yourself and your own process means believing that your task is to be fully yourself and that if you are, you will have everything you genuinely need for your soul’s growth (18/1/1)
  • Recognize that what you want and what you need often are not the same and it is quite rational to trust the universe, God, or your higher self and let go. (18/1/3)
  • As you change and grow, a few people may always drift away, but your compensation is that gradually you will attract to you people who have mastered more of the skills you have and hence there can be more appreciation and reciprocity between you. (19/1/1)
  • “Power over” is dependent upon fear and belief in scarcity – that there is not enough, so we must all compete for it. (24/2/2)
  • No matter how much we are loved, until we are ready to let it in, we will feel lonely. (24/2/2)
  • Ultimately, there is no way to avoid a hero’s quest. It comes and finds us if we do not move out bravely to meet it…..the only way out is through. (24/4/1)

 

The chapters that follow describe the archetypes and the stages of awareness the hero encounters in exploring each one. The pattern described is schematic, however, so it is important to recognize while reading it that people do not go through these stages in lockstep. If you are inspired to pick up your own copy of The Hero Within I would Love it if you could comment below, and if you’re diggin my bullet points let me know and I will continue sharing my journal notes with you all. I am always interested in other people’s journeys and interpretations, I am available to anyone who feels the urge to reach out and connect. This book has been incredibly inspirational to me and I hope that my efforts in sharing this touches just one person if not many.

Pay it forward. Share your story. Spread the love.

Heal The World One Beautiful Soul At A Time

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Heal The World One Beautiful Soul At A Time

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always believed that one person can change the world. I did not see the enormous task of conquering mountains, altering thought patterns by the masses, or saving the planet. I saw the little things that could alter a moment, a day, or a person’s entire life. And I saw the way those little things could make huge impacts.

I have left my house with a heavy heart and a full mind before and had been greeted by a stranger with such genuine conviction that their good vibes and intentions immediately rubbed off on me. I smiled back out of courtesy and realized that the smile came easy and felt good, so I payed it forward, and watched the transformation that I had just felt within myself. I have suffered in silence thinking no one would understand my struggle, only to find out the very people I was surrounded by suffered from the very same struggles. You can never predict when your simple act of kindness or sharing your own story will be all that is needed to alter someone else’s thought process and path.

The decision to learn how to turn my struggles and the things I saw as weaknesses into a solid foundation of love and strength to spread around and help others was my first step towards “changing the world”. I chose to honor those who had given me the gift of insight by paying it forward in every single way possible. Although it is powerful to work out your life issues on your own, it can be equally as rewarding to be able to work them out with others at times. Sharing our experiences lends different perspectives to others situations that they would not normally consider on their own.

When I lost my mother to suicide at age 21, I learned the true power of how much sharing ones story can help strengthen others. I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis and Narcolepsy at the age of 30 and began using a cane for support while watching my body deteriorate and struggle. I learned how walking someone through (no pun intended) your own issues and experiences can gain you a quicker insight than you would normally have had to struggle through on your own had you not spoken your words out loud to another. A Reiki practitioner once asked me if I even wanted to be healed or if having this disease was giving me something that I needed. I was taken back by his question, as if I had asked for these difficulties. I did not chose to have this disease and physical sufferings, but I saw the direction of his questioning and understood what he was asking me. No, I did not want to be “healed” because Yes, my disease, struggles, and sufferings had become my vessel, my tool for spreading the message of strength. My struggles became my crystal ball, my device used to refine my intuition. I wake up in pain every single day and have to plan carefully for every moment in ways that effect everything in my life, work and relationships but I would not change who I am for a second. Well maybe for a second, because every now and then being me is exhausting!

My diseases forced me to slow down and taught me the importance of being able to listen to my body. In order to even be able to hear my body though, I had to purge my entire being of toxins and negative thoughts. I altered my life in the ways that were necessary to me at the time. I moved from California to the island of Puerto Rico and changed my job from managing businesses for others to running my own TourGuide/Travel Host and Etsy Shop businesses from the comfort of my home. I purged my system of the prescription medications that I had been using to manage my diseases, gained a wealth of holistic healthcare knowledge and altered my diet drastically. I used to restrict who I would share myself with based upon who I thought was worthy of my efforts and then I realized how much that way of thinking was restricting my own life. I became the change that I wanted to see all around me and shared my knowledge and experiences with anyone who asked. The knowledge I have gained about managing my own symptoms in holistic ways and dealing with my struggles in a positive light has given me to opportunity to help teach others in similar situations.

I see myself as a healer and a mother goddess

I want to heal the world, one beautiful soul at a time

Everyone is worthy of everything

Pay It Forward

The Kübler-Ross Model In Everyday Life

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The Kübler-Ross Model In Everyday Life

The Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief, suggests a series of emotions experienced by survivors of an intimate’s death. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. These are a collation of five common experiences for the bereaved that can occur in any order, if at all. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.

We have all experienced different sorts of grievances, and even have different definitions as to what grief means to us. Whether I show it in my daily actions or not, I am incredibly sensitive. Not sensitive in the “everyone is being mean to me so I’m going to throw a hissy fit and pout whoa-is-me, eye-for-an-eye” sort of way. I am more along the lines of a, “everyone is being mean to me, to each other, and to this earth and I can not take the careless, selfish, negative energy any longer so I’m going to take a step back from everyone and heal my own energies”. Even the smallest of slights can disturb me greatly enough to throw my energy completely off balance for as short as a brief second or a long as several days. I have always felt that these five stages can be applied to any type of grief, not just in the event of a loss due to death. I added my own personal grieving thought process below in parenthesis as a further example.

The Five Stages of Grief (The Kübler-Ross Model)

Denial: In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality. (Personal denial that people could even treat me so cruelly and disrespectfully in the first place, there must have been a miscommunication somewhere along the line. It Must be a mistake.)

Anger: When we recognize that denial cannot continue and something must give, we can become frustrated, especially at the people closest to us. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would this happen?” Anger is usually coupled with blame because it is in our nature to sort out the Why behind our life happenings. (Anger that people could be so carelessly cruel at times without any regard to how their actions are affecting others. How do you sleep at night knowing what you did? How do I keep this anger from leeching into everything else in my life at this very moment? And Dammit how dare anything anger me to this extent in the first place, I thought I was better than that, stronger than that!)

Bargaining: Involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.(Bargaining with myself that if maybe I changed my actions then I will be treated differently. Treated with more compassion and respect, maybe, hopefully, possibly. That’s it, I’ll change, because obviously somehow this was my fault so it is my responsibility to fix it.)

Depression: The individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen. (Although I despise the word Depression, I will leave it so; Depression at the knowledge that some people just aren’t compassionate by nature and have to be told how to be nice and help others. Depression at having to explain myself, depression that the people who say they care don’t care enough to remember what I need when I need it. It saddens me greatly that I have not found more people that live by what they say when it comes to compassion and understanding.)

Acceptance: “It’s going to be okay.” “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.” In this final stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable futures. Acceptance typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the situation, and a stable condition of emotions. ( I can accept that this life is what it is and people are who they are. I can not change others, or this entire world, but I can control my own actions and how I live by example. I can always trust the peace and happiness that I have created inside of me.)   

One of the most common concerns I hear from grieving folks (myself included) is that too many people just don’t seem to know what to say to them, and end up either making inappropriate remarks or avoiding them altogether.  This can result in the griever feeling further isolated and unsupported. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a small tiff with a friend, or the rude actions of a stranger that triggers the feelings inside of you, grief is grief and no one should have to validate their feelings for the comfort of others around them. Fortunately talking to grieving people does not have to be as complicated or confusing as people seem to think. Refer back to one of my later blog posts that I wrote about The Art of Communicating Through Grief for more details on exactly just how to help someone through any difficult situation they may be experiencing. 

I have come to realize that you can not always expect compassion and understanding from others if you do not practice it first in your own home and heart. There were a series of small incidents that happened to me in a row that triggered my latest bout of Grief Hibernation. Each slight was individually small enough to look past, but combined together I felt personally attacked in every way possible to the point where I called a Life Time Out so that I could heal. Part of what helped bump me back on track was writing my feelings out on paper so I could better sort the thoughts in my head. I took time with myself to purge my negative thoughts, realign my chakras, sweat it out, and think about everything But what had triggered my original upset. When I started to feel “normal” again and the residual bitterness faded I was able to write objectively so that I could share my thoughts openly. When I grieve, I retreat to heal myself, so that I can be strong enough to help heal others later, but my goal and intent is to one day be able to feel comfortable with my grief while having a proper support system available to me so that I do not feel so alone in my journey. I yearn for compassionate understanding without explanation, kind words without being prompted, strength from my loved ones, and silent hugs without having to request them. I don’t know how it is for others, but when I am upset a part of me feels like I am 6yrs old again and craving my parents comfort or something comparable. I am human, I falter in my own practices from time to time, but one day I hope to become a better Griever.

 

 

Crochet Art

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Crochet Art

Pardon my absence! I have been busy focusing on my crochet art and filling orders for my Etsy Shop and I just wanted to take a moment and share some of my latest creations. I have been working on recreating my favorite foods for children’s play kitchen sets. All of my work can be purchased on my GypsySugarCrochet Etsy shop, and if you do not see it listed in the shop feel free to send me a message. I also love being challenged, send me a request, I can make ANYTHING! You can also view a lot of my crochet art on my Instagram page @gypsysugarcrochet

 

Crochet Fruit

GypsySugarCrochet

Berry Bowl

Collaboration with Klaycat Porcelain

 

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Crochet Pizza

Pizza With Toppings

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Stay Tuned! As soon as I figure out a better way to display the pictures of my finished projects I will be posting more of my creations here.

The Art of Communicating Through Grief

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The Art of Communicating Through Grief

I very recently had someone I love very dearly go through a family loss and I was not able to be by their side for support. We are so connected that I could feel their grief from a distance and so I spent the week doing all that I could to send that person love, energy, distractions, and support from a far. By the end of the week they made a small comment about how every time they started to feel sad and overwhelmed I had somehow done something to distract them and completely take their mind off their grief for the moment. It was the biggest compliment I could have been given, because I was in fact working very hard to both honor and aid in the distraction of their grief, and it felt amazing to know that my efforts had been noticed and appreciated. It also reminded me of my own experiences with grief and the moments of both solitude and connection that I felt at different times throughout.

I know a great deal about first hand personal grief, and about the residual effects that come with the territory of being an empath and being overly sensitive to all kinds of emotions. Unfortunately, it is always easier to help others than it is to help yourself. Me personally, I recognize that I push the people that I love away even though I want them near during my toughest struggles and darkest days of grief. I do not want people to see me during what I see as moments of weakness. I am working on changing that way of thinking by trying to be honest with myself about what it is I am actually expecting from people during my moments of grief. Reading the book The Art of Communication by Thich Nhat Hanh is another step that I am taking towards growing and self enlightenment. My goal is to help both myself and the ones that I love communicate better, and in turn be a better friend to those who may need compassionate support through any rough patches of life that might arise.

Everyone has different needs and expectations during their grieving experiences. What ever caused the loss, hurt, or sadness, whether it be a new or old event, will always have an effect on the griever. Raw open wounds and reminders of old hurts will sometimes trigger us to act in ways that could push those closest to us away when in fact what we want is the very opposite. Some, myself included, say that we want comfort yet act in ways that push people away from us instead of encouraging the compassionate responses we want. So how can we help ourselves communicate better, and help each other through difficult times? For some, actions speak louder than words, while others need to hear the words spoken in order to trust the actions.

The often repeated obligatory phrases “There is a reason for everything” “I’m sorry for your loss” “Things will get better” or even a simple “Are you Ok?” can be aggravating to the griever when said at the wrong time. When in the position of wanting to help a friend or loved one in grief, often times our first desire is to try to “fix” the situation, when in all actuality our good intentions can lead to nothing but more grief. Knowing the right thing to say is only half of the responsibility of being a supportive emotional caregiver. The first thing to remember when helping someone through their pain is that this grief is not your own. This is not about you and your feelings so please try not to allow them to get in the way of helping your grieving friend in need.  Take the time to understand and show proper respect to your friend’s grief and feelings. Allow the griever to set the pace. Hopefully they will give you subtle hints about what is needed if they are unable to come right out and ask for help. Some may need a distraction, some may crave solitude, some may need a partner to make them not feel alone as they face their grief head on and embrace the feelings, while some actually need a healthy balance of both.

If your friend or loved one needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend, make them feel heard and respond in kind. Being able to just sit and listen is an amazing gift to give someone in need, but being able to give a heartfelt response of some kind is even more helpful. If a distraction is needed use your best judgement as to what type of distraction is most appropriate for the moment. If you can help be a distraction in person go somewhere fun, it’s alright to laugh during times of grief. Laughter is the best medicine, but you also don’t want your timing to ever be tacky or disrespectful. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after. Laughter boosts the immune system, decreases stress hormones, increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease also. Bonus! Go see a movie or do something educational so you have to use your brain in other ways than focusing on your grief. If you can not be there in person for your friend in need there are still lots of ways you can help someone get through their time of grief from a distance. Send pictures, links to jokes, share articles that you enjoy, challenge with brain teasers, and utilize everything that you can to connect and distract in anyway that you can.

There is a super cute article that lays out six simple tips on how to be a good friend. Listen, Ask them what they need, Get physical, Keep in touch, and Tell them how you feel. You can read the entire article here: How To Be A Good Friend

I am only a few chapters into The Art of Communication and already everything that I am reading is vibing with my current thoughts and situations, educating me, and healing me. My favorite part of tonight’s readings went as follows:

“What you read and write can help you heal, so be thoughtful about what you consume. When you write an e-mail or a letter that is full of understanding and compassion, you are nourishing yourself during the time you write that letter. Even if it’s just a short note, everything you are writing down can nourish you and the person to whom you are writing.”

I loved that section so very much because that it is a practice I use myself to get through moments of difficulty. If yourself or someone you care about it grieving the best thing that you could do is put pen to paper and fill the pages with words of understanding, compassion and love. Using phrases like “I don’t know how you feel but I am here to help” or “I wish I had the right words, just know that I care” might possibly do more to soothe a grievers distressed mind than declaring that you “know how they feel” or advising to “be strong”. We all have moments of grief throughout our lives, it is inevitable. It is important to be honest with yourself when you are feeling sad, own it, embrace it, then move past into the light so that you are able to help someone else with your strength.