Category Archives: Diary

Welcome Home To Your Heart

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They say Home Is Where The Heart Is. I never understood how true that was until I opened my heart wide enough to Be A Home for ALL.

I didn’t realize how in my head I had been living these last couple of weeks as I took care of the dogs needs, worked on my crocheting, and took the time to recharge my solo soul energy. The alone time was necessary to reset, but more importantly it remind me that I am a healer with a wealth of energy to spare. If I say or think, “I do not have the energy for this” then it is so. It’s not about whether or not I have the strength to do so. We Always have enough energy, it is a matter of the desire to bring it into existence or not. Energy is a choice. We are so much stronger than we allow ourselves to be at times.

I discovered exactly what I had been doing in the past that made reading Tarot for others so draining to myself. I would soak up loads of energy being gathered and passed around during readings and hold it within me. So much energy trapped within my vessel, ricocheting around within me, left me both supercharged and drastically drained. I didn’t realize what I had been doing until I was able to verbalize it out loud with my Goddess Crystal. (Not an Actual crystal guys…my best Goddesses Name Is Crystal). I thought it was my duty to actively move, purge or direct the energy while reading cards, and while I Can, it’s not my responsibility and will only do me harm in the long run.

(Is this actually true, or is it only true because I created the thought into existence? Do I actually even care about the answer to that? It is so and that is all that matters.)

Bellies filled with grub made from love, I cleared a space, gathered my Goddess close, and we laid out the most intense tarot reading I’ve ever experienced with another person. I am humbled enough by the process to be no longer concerned with where to put the energy, because I realize now that is not my job. That task is reserved for the universe. Let it go and let it flow.

Crystal & I are so insanely connected that I could literally feel the electricity zing between our fingertips from the moment we began shuffling the deck together. I didn’t even ask her if she felt anything physically because I didn’t want to alter the process in anyway. Wee bitty warm electrical shocks, more like vibrations actually, allowed me to brace myself for what was to come. I didn’t warn her, that’s half the fun.

The range of emotions that passes over a Querient’s (Querient is the word used for the person who’s cards are being read) face give me life. The tears make me giggle and I don’t even try to hide it. I don’t find the feels amusing, I mean no disrespect, but I am highly aware that the power play at war between heart, head and ego is coming to fruition right here in front of me. Some meet themselves for the very first time right before my eyes and I am honored and humbled to be a witness to a moment so sacred. That moment when a person discovers that the exact path they are on is in fact exactly where they are supposed to be.

It is not my job to read another’s cards, that is up to them. I am merely a doorway towards understanding. I know nothing about another’s life, desires and fears. Who am I to interpret cards into current situations for another? My purpose here is to help give the cards meanings and allow the querient to discover their own interpretations.

Other than for myself, I have never read the cards of someone I am so completely connected with as I did last night. It was an incredibly powerful feeling. My energy is still shimmering bright from last night. I am A giver of light and grateful to be a part of the process of self discovery.

Welcome home to your heart. I am honored to introduce yourself to yourself.

I would love to connect with other card readers and light givers! Comment below and say hi or send me a private message if you would like!

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Full Moon Tarot Spread

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Full Moon Tarot Spread

While the new moon is a time for beginnings, the full moon is a time for reflection rather than starting new things. The August full moon, also known as the Sturgeon Moon or the Red Moon, is a time of balance between hope and fear. We have harvested some things but the remaining crops are still in limbo. We take the steps we can to ensure success in our lives or trusting that the universe will meet us halfway.

I have been in an uncharacteristic limbo this past month without any inkling of why, yet realizing something was majorly off . Two days ago I made a big life decision and was shocked by the intense sense of relief that instantly washed over me because of the decision made firmly in my head and heart. I say shocked because pride myself in knowing myself, and yet I had not recognized before now what had been so obviously bothering me. With firm decision in hand, everything inside and around me clicked right back into peaceful place. My fears eased and I again felt hopeful for whatever was next to come.
Yesterday a good friend reminded me at the full moon was coming up and I was hit with another A-Ha! moment. Well of course I was going through the motions, the moons are always playing with our universal design pushing and pulling us in necessary directions. I have recently become fascinated with reading tarot cards and I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to practice some different spreads.

I tuned into my Buddhist Monk Radio Pandora station, gathered my crystals, and cleared my mind and energy. Focusing hard on the moon, my most recent life decision, and my intentions for the upcoming month, I prepared myself for my Full Moon tarot spread reading. Below I share my reading and interpretations!

Waning Moon
1. Things to let go of
2. Things to keep
3. Things yet to come
Waxing Moon
4. How the world effects you
5. What to give
5. What to receive
Lessons
7. What to learn

Full Moon Tarot Spread Meaning & Interpretation

  1. 4 of Pentacles: stagnation, covetousness, avarice, lack of investments, material fears and uncertainty (I had been procrastinating on an important business decision that has cost me a lot of money this past year. I had been fearful of letting go because I liked the status and reputation that I had and was not allowing myself to make the decision that I knew was necessary. It was time to let go.)
  2. 3 of Pentacles: piece of work, creation, architecture, job, attention to detail, passion for one's own things. (I am incredibly passionate about what I do and attention to detail is very important to me yet I was letting little things slide because I was overwhelmed. This month I will focus on downsizing and simplifying so the I can regain my reputation for paying close attention to detail)
  3. The Emperor: Will, ability to control events and situations, ability to meditate, strength, virility, violent exercise of power (I am strong enough to be in complete control of my universe, good things are coming because I am able to slow my pace down, meditate on what's necessary and trust my intuition to guide me)
  4. Queen of Swords: aridity, repentance, need, sterility (being an empath makes me incredibly vulnerable to the worlds energy, I must be incredibly careful with everything that I do and allow to happen around me)
  5. King of Pentacles: owner, employer, hierarchical figure, funds, experience of success (I am my own Boss, I make my own rules. My financial situation will soon change drastically in a positive way due to the decision that I made)
  6. 4 of Swords: immobility, weight, sleep, concentration (As hard as it is to feel "immobile", sometimes doing nothing is more beneficial than doing something. This is a situation where waiting and being patient will bring greatness my way again very soon)
  7. Hierophant: inspiration, ability to bring conflicts to an end, feelings, relief, advisor, guide, example, serenity of judgment, patience (My year long conflict has finally ended and I feel a great relief and serenity from the decision that I have made. I was and always will exude patience over the need to push the universe in the direction that I think I want it to go in. I Trust Me)

So basically my full Moon Tarot Spread said that I indeed had made the right decision and am on the exact path that I need to be. I love how reading tarot always reconfirms what I already know in my heart and the fiber of my being. I have wanted to learn to read tarot since my early teens and didn't realize that that is why I was never successful at it before. Reading tarot is not something to be learned, it is something to feel and trust. Sure, there is knowledge involved in interpreting the cards but our instincts and intuition plays a far more major role. As soon as I let go of my expectations of reading Tarot and just went with the flow that my energy guided me along, my understanding clicked into place immediately. Tarot Reading is an interpretative art form to be used as a springboard to ignite and fire up all the different levels of consciousness with our hearts and minds so that our lives can be either enhanced or protected. Allow yourself to relax and be open to what feels right for you. It’s this organic, intuitive approach that will make all the difference for your Tarot readings. Do you have a favorite Tarot Spread or preferred deck that you like to use?comment below and share your knowledge! Many blessings my friends!

Tarot de las Sirenas

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Tarot de las Sirenas

When I began struggling to complete my usual morning meditations and affirmations, and I wasn’t able to find my own days direction within myself, I began pulling tarot to help guide and center me. All I had was an adorable Tiny Tarot deck and no knowledge to back anything up that I was doing. I began with three card pulls just to set my intentions and daily affirmations, and used the technique as a calming practice while I was traveling during the last month. My travels took me to New Orleans where I stumbled into Marie Laveau’s House of Voodoo. Without intention, my energy guided me directly to two items that I would never have normally selected to purchase on my own. I didn’t allow for thought, I only let my instincts guide me through the shop and spent more money than I ever do on myself in normal circumstances. My eyes and head wanted a different deck. My energy forced me to select the Tarot of Mermaids. I live on an island so I figured this was an appropriate deck for my surroundings and became curious to learn how the deck would guide me.

I normally love diving straight in to my new findings, but for some reason once purchased, I had no driving desire to even open the deck. I unpacked my entire travel bag and even left the unopened deck all alone in my backpack. I found it odd that I still didn’t want to touch them, but I know better than to question my instincts and knew when it was time I would know. This morning was the time, and the intention of my pull was not even for myself. A friend in need reached out to me with a simple “I feel like I need to see you soon…I’ve been feeling lots of different things lately, I just need to center myself again.”. This was a special woman who deserved a special pull from a special deck. Out came The Mermaid Tarot. I had two other close friends who reached out to me in different ways, but I could feel each of their individual stresses, anxieties, and needs. I made three separate pulls, and sent each of my friends the images and descriptions of what I pulled, allowing them to create their own interpretations.

I can not deny my energy’s strength. Without any knowledge of what I am doing, my pulls are always eerily and freakishly on point. Always. I’ve always known that we are all capable of greatness of different kinds, but I am only recently learning to toes the outer edges of my personal power. The least I can do is honor this process a little more fully by educating myself a little further. I did a little research just for some basic definitions and understanding of the deck that I was using. I didn’t want to much outside guidance to effect my own energy and instincts. Below I show my very first full tarot pull. Mermaids and Tritons show the human side, head and bust, hiding their true nature underwater, the fish shaped appearance. In the first 1-8 list, I listed the card spread diving meaning. In the second set of 1-8 I list my own personal pulls followed by the cards meaning with my own personal interpretations in parenthesis.

  1. Current Situation
  2. Abilities and strong points
  3. Question being examined, which could get out of control
  4. Weaknesses, bad habits. Revealed and submerged stomach
  5. Influences of others, aftermath of old problems
  6. How the situation could develop negatively  without necessary actions
  7. Which “boats” you should rock, what can be done, what must not be done
  8. Summary: sums up the meaning of the other 7 cards, what is obvious, what is hidden, guiding toward the end

 

My Personal Pull & Interpretations

  1. VIII Strength : moral strength, courage, ability to interact with others, ability to persuade, aptitude for work (I am currently at the top of my life game when it comes to my own energy and understanding of my capabilites. Others can feel my energy before they are aware of me or why they have the feels and I always try to use that power for good in aiding others)
  2. II High Priestess : mysteries of femininity, unexpected pregnancy, an unforeseen event, feelings sacrificed for reason, the pursuit of power, breaking rules, ability to judge, willingness to study (I was raised surrounded by men and tomboyish females with “male instincts”, only now in my thirties am I discovering the power of my femininity and learning about what it means to Be A Woman. I am learning to put my personal feelings to the back burner when the time calls for a level head. Some minor authority issues, yes, I’ll admit it. I have always loved to learn but have only recently began seeking out extra knowledge of all kinds on my own time)
  3. The Fool : eccentricity, unpredictability, psychological instability, desire to sidestep the rules, to escape from everyday routine, multiple professional skills, tendancy towards sexual freedom and erotic quirks, opportunism, willingness to be the center of attention, ambiguity (Rules are guidelines for those lacking instincts and intuition, life is not black & white, after celibacy throughout my twenties-my thirties are for discovering and owning my sexual freedom. I don’t enjoy being the center of attention, but I am willing to do so for good causes and inspiration for others. I am more than one, more than I, I am So Much in one human form)
  4. IV of Wands : refuge, accord, time to meet with success (the time is now, success of different kinds is coming my way faster than I can process)
  5. IV The Emperor : will, ability to control events and situations, ability to meditate as well as strength, virility, violent exercise of power (I used to let events control me, now I am in control of my universe. At times I forget what I am capable of and unintentionally and excessively exert my power)
  6. VII The Chariot : success, capacity to lead, ability to keep ones head above water, instinct (Whether I want to be or not, I am a leader. Completely comfortable being guided or a part of a group, but the group will always follow me and look to me for guidance. I am a source of calming strength to most that I know. Trusting my instincts has never ever steered me wrong and every time I used my head or heart instead I met disaster)
  7. Knight of Chalices : great passion, emotional turmoil, unfaithful lover, fickleness, whim, inconsistency (Passion in Everything that I do! I am an incredibly sensitive empath and before I was aware of what my energy was capable of used to deal with a lot of undisciplined emotions and feels. I have a unique experience and thought process behind sex/love/lovers/relationships/etc…we are not here to restrict or label each other, we are here to learn from and enjoy each other. I am not an unfaithful lover, I am open and honest with anyone who I chose to share the magic that comes along with sharing my body and energy with)
  8. I The Magician : skill, diplomacy, ability to astonish, capacity to seduce, enchantment (Sums up the meaning of my card pull and my currently life situations perfectly)

 

I am HOOKED. I love the individual magic behind tarot cards. Everyone could pull the same exact cards and come away with different interpretations suited to each individual moment and experience. Every card has a different meaning depending on its position, so you will get a unique and detailed perspective on your current situation. I made the mistake of getting too excited and offered readings to a few friends which I posted in my Instagram Story (Follow me on Instagram @gypsysugarcloud). I was swiftly contacted by others requesting readings and because I was in a learning, practicing, and giving state of mind, I allowed more of my energy to leak away than I had intended. I was not aware of what I was doing. What I was capable of. After four hours of readings I was overcome with an enormous wave of exhaustion. I looked in the mirror to see a wild eyed woman with crazy curls, huge dark circles, bags under my eyes, and an ache that was rapidly spreading through my entire body starting from my temples and reaching down to my ankles. Despite being well rested, taking my Kratom, and drinking my morning coffee, I felt like I had been awake for two days straight and had completed a triathlon. Now I know. I will not make that mistake again. I will never ever completely block my energy from others and vice versa, again because I have learned in the past how much that restricts my energy in other useful ways. I will, however, protect myself better the next time I read tarots for someone else other than myself. Energy is incredible stuff and we are all capable of so very much more than we realize. Proceed with caution anytime you are attempting to give or receive energy work of any kind because whether we are aware of it or not, our energy leaves stains and cords throughout everything that it touches. Blessings!

Hennessy is helping Mama recharge post reading. My dogs always join me during my energy work.

Dear Diary

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Dear Diary

I feel a little overwhelmed

Every little thing is frustrating me into a short violently angry manner that dissipates just as rapidly as it appears leaving me feeling like I am choking back tears.

I can’t keep up

I am exhausted

I would sacrifice a virgin goddess for a few days completely and entirely alone. Just a few, or possibly a couple if a few is asking for too many. Just me, and  my dog of course. No distractions. No phone. No Social Media. No one needing me for all the things for just a day.

Sólo veinticuatro horas por favor.

I am craving a Vow Of Silence with every ounce of my being, but my lifestyle very rarely allows for such a thing. I literally penciled “Vow of Silence” into ten potentially possible days of my calendar this month.

Running a non stop flow of Airbnb guests and being MamaBear to all my friends takes a lot out of an introvert. Anyone who knows me feels my passion though. I live to serve. Sharing my light and energy gives me strength. Every ounce of my exhaustion is worth it. I love the irony in that. I grumble and groan so infrequently. Complaining about anything in my fantastically beautiful life feels like a disrespect to myself and to the universe that has gifted me so greatly.

I am grateful. Blessed. Proud.

Proud of myself. Proud of my family. Proud of the beautiful humans that I care about. Proud of people I have never even met out there making small and great changes and impacts. So grateful to be connected to so much love. So honored to be a source of light and inspiration for so many people. So damn blessed to have my love, energy, and light returned to me in so many ways.

Yet I am entire body and soul type of exhausted.

So much pain. I can no longer hold back the tears. I feel as if my mind and body are in a hundred different places. I exerted too much physical energy this weekend and I am paying for it dearly. Plus its Shark Week and I am on high emotional alert. I made too many appointments and plans, lost my planner, forgot everything, and made extra plans that I very well might never make it to. I lost count of my spoons (Read The Spoon Theory).

I’m frantically trying to keep up with these days that just keep slipping past my butter fingers. My brain feels like a dam that has bursted and been repatched up at least two dozen times. Crackled and spackled. Backed up and yet squirting and spurting. I am looking at too many tomorrows for some odd reason instead of being present and self compassionate. I know better. I am worried about the things that I am forgetting and making up excuses for the things that I already know I will somehow miss.

I am not unreliable, but my body is. My physical limitations still frustrate me a times. And very very rarely, I still get embarrassed and want to hide my flare ups and sleep attacks. Those feelings burst into an anxiety of the belief that soon my time and availability will be greatly limited and then into disappointment at my lack of self compassion.

Slow down Cloud. Breathe. Cálmate Mamita.

Be Compassionate.

Be Present.

As my vision gets blurry my writing slows down a bit. Breathe. It’s ok to feel the feels Crystal says. The feels make you who you are. That thought alone calms my soul. It’s always ok to cry when you are you. And I am always me so I let it be and leak from the eyeballs freely.

Such an incredibly beautiful grab bag of mixed emotions jivin’ and vibin’ within me at the moment. Yin and Yang. The dark forever embracing the light creating entirety. I see it all for what it is and embrace the feels.

Let it in. Let it go.

With each breath I feel more. I hurt less.

I am imperfectly human.