Category Archives: life

Dear Diary

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Dear Diary

I feel a little overwhelmed

Every little thing is frustrating me into a short violently angry manner that dissipates just as rapidly as it appears leaving me feeling like I am choking back tears.

I can’t keep up

I am exhausted

I would sacrifice a virgin goddess for a few days completely and entirely alone. Just a few, or possibly a couple if a few is asking for too many. Just me, and  my dog of course. No distractions. No phone. No Social Media. No one needing me for all the things for just a day.

Sólo veinticuatro horas por favor.

I am craving a Vow Of Silence with every ounce of my being, but my lifestyle very rarely allows for such a thing. I literally penciled “Vow of Silence” into ten potentially possible days of my calendar this month.

Running a non stop flow of Airbnb guests and being MamaBear to all my friends takes a lot out of an introvert. Anyone who knows me feels my passion though. I live to serve. Sharing my light and energy gives me strength. Every ounce of my exhaustion is worth it. I love the irony in that. I grumble and groan so infrequently. Complaining about anything in my fantastically beautiful life feels like a disrespect to myself and to the universe that has gifted me so greatly.

I am grateful. Blessed. Proud.

Proud of myself. Proud of my family. Proud of the beautiful humans that I care about. Proud of people I have never even met out there making small and great changes and impacts. So grateful to be connected to so much love. So honored to be a source of light and inspiration for so many people. So damn blessed to have my love, energy, and light returned to me in so many ways.

Yet I am entire body and soul type of exhausted.

So much pain. I can no longer hold back the tears. I feel as if my mind and body are in a hundred different places. I exerted too much physical energy this weekend and I am paying for it dearly. Plus its Shark Week and I am on high emotional alert. I made too many appointments and plans, lost my planner, forgot everything, and made extra plans that I very well might never make it to. I lost count of my spoons (Read The Spoon Theory).

I’m frantically trying to keep up with these days that just keep slipping past my butter fingers. My brain feels like a dam that has bursted and been repatched up at least two dozen times. Crackled and spackled. Backed up and yet squirting and spurting. I am looking at too many tomorrows for some odd reason instead of being present and self compassionate. I know better. I am worried about the things that I am forgetting and making up excuses for the things that I already know I will somehow miss.

I am not unreliable, but my body is. My physical limitations still frustrate me a times. And very very rarely, I still get embarrassed and want to hide my flare ups and sleep attacks. Those feelings burst into an anxiety of the belief that soon my time and availability will be greatly limited and then into disappointment at my lack of self compassion.

Slow down Cloud. Breathe. Cálmate Mamita.

Be Compassionate.

Be Present.

As my vision gets blurry my writing slows down a bit. Breathe. It’s ok to feel the feels Crystal says. The feels make you who you are. That thought alone calms my soul. It’s always ok to cry when you are you. And I am always me so I let it be and leak from the eyeballs freely.

Such an incredibly beautiful grab bag of mixed emotions jivin’ and vibin’ within me at the moment. Yin and Yang. The dark forever embracing the light creating entirety. I see it all for what it is and embrace the feels.

Let it in. Let it go.

With each breath I feel more. I hurt less.

I am imperfectly human.

Inn Saei: The Sea Within

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Inn Saei: The Sea Within

I’m going to change the world. In fact, I’m already in the process of changing it. You’re going to help me. We’re all going to do it together. All you have to do, is trust yourself.

I have always known that my purpose in this life is to help to change the world in some way. I had no idea how, I just knew that I was special, needed, and important to this world. We all are uniquely important. My belief has always been that when you put a certain energy out into the world it effects others around you, giving that energy even greater life force. If enough people start to believe what you put out there, that thing will eventually start to happen and become even more real.

I just finished watching an amazing documentary called Inn Saei, that proved to me that we are truly in the midst of a great change happening. Inn Saei: The Power of Intuition, reminds us of the importance of stepping within ourselves and to listen and trust our instincts. Our intuition allows us to get back in touch with nature and regain connection with the energy of our true selves. In a world that is constantly moving faster, it is essential for us to find ways to slow ourselves down and look within so that we don’t miss the important moments and lessons that life has to offer us.

Inn Saei has many meanings such as The Sea Within, To See Within, and To See From The Inside Out. In the documentary, two Icelandic cultural entrepreneurs set out on a global journey to uncover the art of connecting within. They speak with a wide range of people, from artists and scientists, to African tribe Elders and school children. The most inspiring and emotional segment of the documentary was when we meet an extraordinary group of British schoolchildren who are learning how to better cope in today’s world by unlocking the power of nature and mindfulness. We meet a boy named Shyloh with anger issues, who with the help of a program being used in his school called Mind Up, learned how to cope with his own anger issues and deal with life situations in peaceful ways by learning how to listen to and trust his intuition. Overtime his own actions encouraged his family to make small changes in their own behavior, and so the cycle of mindful change begins.

Mind Up is the signature program of The Hawn Foundation, created by Goldie Hawn thirteen years ago, which is serving nearly 1 million children in the US, Canada, UK, Serbia, Mexico, Hong Kong, Australia and New Zealand. The program helps bring a solution to our children who were suffering from high levels of stress and who were completely lacking the skills to navigate in a complex world. The skills and the mindfulness practices that are being taught within this program has helped children improve learning and academic performance and learn valuable social-emotional skills that build personal resilience for a lifetime. The Mind Up program is available to therapists, camp counselors, and parents at home as well as for school teachers and administrators. By using Mind Up, people all over the world are benefiting from better communication, reduced stress, better sleep, more compassionate home relationships, improved family harmony and more. It is such a beautiful program and the more I talk about it with others the more hope I gain for our future.

I have inserted a link to the Mind Up website below so that you can read up more about the program if you would like. I have already spread the word about this program to a few of my friends with children and am super curious to find out who already knows about it and what schools are already using these practices within their lessons. If you know of any schools currently using the Mind Up program please leave a comment below!

Mind Up: A Framework For Success In Learning And In Life

 

One of the greatest dangers of losing touch with intuition is, that we lose the ability of empathy and the ability of coping with our own feelings. Children have to learn how to interact in a world full of technical gadgets but also full of human beings. We tend to forget that sometimes. This world is forever changing and with it, so must we. For so long I have felt so out of place for being overly sensitive and intuitive and longed to be a part of a world that cherished and respected those that led with an empathetic nature. For the first time in my life, I do not feel alone in my ways of thinking. I am surrounded by passionate and positive minded people who are empowering and inspiring all around them to make positive changes in their actions and ways of thinking as well. Inn Saei is a beautiful reminder of the importance of finding calm moments in the midst of world wide noise. Let go of the chaos. Listen to the voice inside of you. Trust yourself.

The Hero Within (Part I)

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The Hero Within (Part I)

We experience an incredible amount of stimulation in every single moment. Struggling to find understanding and retain lessons learned from beautiful words we have read among the rest of our internal clutter can at times cause us to miss the message or forget things we have been taught and have learned. I began a journal solely for the purpose of writing notes as I read for my own memories purpose and to further integrate my readings into my heart and intentions. It was not until I shared my notes with a dear friend that I realized how helpful my “Cliffs Notes” of sorts, from these inspirational books can be to others. Cliffs Notes, or merely bullet points, whatever you may call this, it is an incredibly calming an inspirational practice for me.  I have not added my own interpretations that are scribbled throughout my journal, as to not sway anyone else’s possible interpretations and allow each of your your own space and energy to do with these words as you please along your journey. I hope you enjoy.

The Hero Within (Carol S. Pearson)

Introduction

The point is that we can be safe and at home in our own psyches, and we need not spend years studying psychology to be able to converse with ourselves. We know the language of the archetypes, for they live within us. Ancient folk also knew the language. For them, the archetypes were the gods and goddesses who were concerned with everything in their lives from the most ordinary to the most profound.

Archetype psychology, in a sense, brings back insights from ancient polytheistic theologies, which teach us about the wonderfully multiple nature of the human psyche. When these deities, or archetypes, are denied, they do not go away. Instead they posses us, and what we experience is enslavement, not the liberation they ultimately hold out to us. So be aware of scorning the gods, for ironically, it is our very attempts to deny and repress the gods that cause their destructive manifestations. The archetypes are fundamentally friendly. They are here to help evolve us, collectively and individually. In honoring them we grow.

Chapter 1: The Hero’s Journey


  • The Innocent: lives in the prefallen state of grace
  • The Orphan: confronts reality of The Fall
  • The Wanderer: begins the task of finding oneself apart from others
  • The Warrior: learns to fight to defend oneself and to change the world
  • The Martyr: learns to give, to commit, to sacrifice for others


  • Heros take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves. Although the may feel  very alone during the quest, at its end their reward is a sense of community: with themselves, with other people, with the earth.
  • If we do not risk, if we play prescribed social roles instead of taking our journeys, we feel numb; we experience a sense of alienation, a void, an emptiness inside.
  • Heroism is a matter of integrity, of becoming more and more yourself at each stage of your development.
  • It is the very act of leaving an oppressive situation and going out alone to face the unknown that is the wanderer’s heroic act
  • After learning to change ones environment by great discipline, will, and struggle, the Magician learns to move with the energy of the universe and to attract what is needed by laws of synchronicity, so that the ease of the Magician’s interaction with the universe seems like magic.
  • The task is not to be caring of others instead of thinking about oneself, but to learn how to love and care for ourselves as well as our neighbor (6/2/6)
  • Beyond strength vs weakness, they become to understand that assertions and receptivity are yang and yin – a life rhythm, not a dualism (6/3/2)
  • Male and female modes of heroism seem different because men linger longer in some stages and women in others (7/1/1)
  • Women seem to linger in the stages that emphasize affiliation (Martyr & Magician) and men in those that emphasize separateness and opposition (Wanderer & Warrior). (7/3/1)
  • When we look at where most men and women are, without seeing the overall developmental pattern, it may look as if there are distinct and different male and female paths. Or, if one looks just at the paths and not the different time and intensity of commitment to each archetype, it appears that men and women are developmentally the same. Neither is true. Men and women are developmentally the same; and they are different (7/3/3)
  • What if the goal of life is not to prevail, simply to learn? (9/4/2)
  • Heroism is redefined as not only moving mountains, but knowing mountains: being fully oneself and seeing, without denial, what is, and being open to learning the lessons life offers us. (10/1/1)
  • I would illustrate the typical hero’s progression as a cone or three-dimensional spiral, in which it is possible to move forward while frequently circling back (13/2/2)
  • Each stage has its own lesson to teach us, and we reencounter situations that throw us back into prior stages so that we may learn and relearn the lessons at new levels of intellectual and emotional complexity and subtlety. (13/2/3)
  • Events in our lives influence the order and intensity of our learning (13/3/8)


Hero Lessons
  • Innocent: the hero learns to trust
  • Orphan: the hero learns to mourn
  • Wanderer: the hero learns to find and name one’s own truth
  • Warrior: the hero learns to assert that truth so that it affects and changes the world
  • Martyr: the hero learns to love, to commit, to let go
  • Magician: the hero learns to recognize and receive the abundance of the universe


  • As Magicians, heros understand that nothing essential is ever lost: sacrifice becomes the organic and gentle letting go of the old to make way for new growth, new life (15/3/5)
  • This is the time to take a leap of faith, act authentically now, and contribute your own truth to the world without insisting others agree with you. (17/4/3)
  • Trusting yourself and your own process means believing that your task is to be fully yourself and that if you are, you will have everything you genuinely need for your soul’s growth (18/1/1)
  • Recognize that what you want and what you need often are not the same and it is quite rational to trust the universe, God, or your higher self and let go. (18/1/3)
  • As you change and grow, a few people may always drift away, but your compensation is that gradually you will attract to you people who have mastered more of the skills you have and hence there can be more appreciation and reciprocity between you. (19/1/1)
  • “Power over” is dependent upon fear and belief in scarcity – that there is not enough, so we must all compete for it. (24/2/2)
  • No matter how much we are loved, until we are ready to let it in, we will feel lonely. (24/2/2)
  • Ultimately, there is no way to avoid a hero’s quest. It comes and finds us if we do not move out bravely to meet it…..the only way out is through. (24/4/1)

 

The chapters that follow describe the archetypes and the stages of awareness the hero encounters in exploring each one. The pattern described is schematic, however, so it is important to recognize while reading it that people do not go through these stages in lockstep. If you are inspired to pick up your own copy of The Hero Within I would Love it if you could comment below, and if you’re diggin my bullet points let me know and I will continue sharing my journal notes with you all. I am always interested in other people’s journeys and interpretations, I am available to anyone who feels the urge to reach out and connect. This book has been incredibly inspirational to me and I hope that my efforts in sharing this touches just one person if not many.

Pay it forward. Share your story. Spread the love.